4 years old

To my Sawyer, a very happy birthday. You make me smile daily. You are so incredibly sensitive and sweet and you always want to make sure that everyone is happy with you. If you think, even for a moment, that we are upset at you, your big blue eyes fill with tears and you can't go on until we've reassured you that all is well. You are an amazing big brother to Gavin. From the moment he was born you have smiled at him, played with him, and made sure he was safe. Even now, you can make him laugh like no one else. You adore your big brother Ian and want so much to be a part of all that he does. We often call you our "buddy" because you love to go on errands, one on one, with either me or Dad. You are the first one to ask, "can I go?". And always the first one to help with a task if we need it. You love to be hugged and carried. You love to "snuddo" on the couch and read books. You love to do something crazy for just a minute until you realize that someone is watching and then you cover your eyes and shyly smile.

When you were a little baby, you refused to sleep longer than 2 hours at a time. It seems hard to believe now... but for 15 months I got up with you every 2 hours at night to rock and nurse. It was the hardest thing I had done and I prayed nightly for grace to give you what I knew you needed... comfort. It took you 2 full years to sleep 8 hours for the first time, and only when we moved you in to Ian's bedroom with him. It feels like ages ago but what I remember distinctly is praying for you in the middle of night while I rocked you over and over again. So many people told me to let you cry. But I couldn't do it. My instinct told me that you needed reassurance, you needed comfort, and I was determined to meet you there. And now I see why. I see your gentle spirit and I know it would have been crushed if you were left by yourself when you needed me. I'm so thankful for God whispering grace in my ear when I felt like I couldn't get up just. one. more. time. You were worth it baby. That and much much more. Happy birthday sweet Sawyer. Mama loves you.

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